[Camera pans scene at table height, moves around it in a slow circle.
Empty and full pint glasses, a large half full ashtray, three
different packs of cigarettes, Marlboro's, Winston's, and Dunhill's,
and three different chrome Zippo lighters are scattered over a pile of
manila envelopes which occupy the center of the table, camera zooms
out, giving us a full view of Dave, Greg and Bruce. Bruce takes off
his glasses, and puts them back in their case.]
Bruce: And THAT is the plan.
Greg (to Dave): You like it?
Dave: As far fetched as it sounds, if we get to enough of them, I
think it will work. The only detail that I'm wondering about is The
Puppetmaster, Donald Garret… if he is an android, why not expose him
on the next visit for what he is, the shock value might shake people up.
Bruce: You've never met Donald have you? No one would BE surprised …it
would be like telling them lunch was cancelled, or training time was
cut by 60%, or-
Dave: That Human Asset's was out of movie passes again?
Greg: Exactly.
Dave: Fighting fire with fire I don't mind, it's just…have you
considered a less extreme option?
Bruce: Yeah. It's called plan B now. This may be the only shot we
have… look, this new Second Level Inquiry and Monitoring of
Escalations, will be a perfect way to execute the plan, slowly but
surely. With the Puppetmaster's visit next week and our new found
enthusiasm as SLIME tech's they won't even suspect…
Dave:So the three of us in addition to our other duties are now
SLIME…great…
Bruce: Monolith came up with the name, I doubt they have the sense of
humor to even notice the acronym. Anyway, while I know this isn't the
kind of thing you're used to, it is the method I'm most familiar with,
and none of us get wet in the process. They may not even suspect us
in the end.
Dave: And if none of it works? Any of it? If WE end up exposed?
Bruce&Greg: MagicSchoolBus
Dave: The kid's game???
[They nod their heads in agreement]
Dave: I know I don't want to know, but so far that hasn't stopped me.
Bruce: We'll keep that need to know for a little bit. We can't give
you ALL of the good stuff at once.
Dave: So to start this off, we have to start pretending to go
along…which won't be too hard for me I guess, but what about you guys?
Greg: We're going to be doing the going along, we decided since you've
shown so much interest, we're giving you a special task.
[They both smile]
Dave: I get the feeling I am not going to like this in the least.
Greg: How do you feel about plain yogurt?
[The picture is blurred and in black and white negative image, the
camera keeps bumping into things, in the distance, there is a bright
red glow on the monochrome background, the camera view moves clumsily
through aisles of cubes. It turns the corner, and we see, in normal
spectrum color, the Evil bunny, green base and yellow head. It's eyes
glow red (as usual). Next to the Evil bunny, rests Tony, in normal
spectrum color, he is in the clothes in which he was killed. A tweed
suit, with suspenders, and a paisley tie. Tony looks up.]
Tony: Dan?
Dan: Tony why are you asleep? I thought Charlie was working tonight
anyway.
Tony: Dan…I'm dead…YOU'RE dead….we're both dead….Charlie beat you to
death with one of his crutches a few days ago…don't you remember?
Dan: That's ridiculous. I just finished running reports, and saw there
was a call in the queue. Why is it so warm in Bruce's cube, it feels
like it's coming from that stupid looking Pez dispenser.
Tony: Bruce got it so I could communicate with them…I'm trapped
here…but why are you here?
Dan:I'm working late, I think if I do enough hour's I may get that
promotion, I had a coversation with Charlie about management the other
day which really pissed me off. He HAS no idea of what management is,
I don't think he even graduated from high school the way he talks. If
I were still managing my Unlimited for Men store, I would have fired
him, forget that, at McDaniel's we would have just thrown him in the
dumpster…he act's like he knows what it was like to be an executive.
He has no concept of reality, or the importance of a daily statistical
analysis-
Tony: DAN, DAN, YOU ARE DEAD!!!!!
Dan: I told you, I'm not dead-
Tony: You are more STUPID now than you were when you were ALIVE…get
out of here, I'm getting in the Bunny.
Dan: Don't talk to me that way…and what's this about the Bunny?
Tony: I told you
[Fade to normal spectrum. The lights are dim, it is dark outside,
camera turn to Bruce's cube. The eye's of the evil Bunny flicker red,
and then darken again randomly. Bruce's CIA mug flies against the
wall, and drawers start to open and close. There is a loud crash and
the cube wall swings free from its hinges. The eyes of the Bunny glow
red.]
Dan: That's more like it, I feel so much warmer in this thing…
[Charlie rolls over in the his sleeping bag on the floor of his cube.
One of his crutches is slightly dented]
[Cut and fade to close up of Steve, the BasicallyGUI! Manager,
staring at the camera with a puzzled look on his face. Cut to Bruce
and Greg sitting across the desk from Steve]
Steve: So now that the SLIME program has been created, and you two
have been chosen….you want to play a more active role in
communications with Monolith?
Bruce:Exactly, I have limited responsibilities because of the size of
my team, being just me, and it seems to be an excellent opportunity
for me to develop contacts so that I can increase my product
knowledge, and be able to pass that on in cube notes, you know like
the one I did on Version Vault last spring, and other lunchtime
training programs for groups that use the integration features of my
product.
Greg: And while MOFO-XPRO is much larger, now that I am exclusively
assigned to Level 2 cases, I have more time to work on morale, as well
as a facilitating a closer connection with our parent company, to give
the employees a sense of identity, which will in turn foster a feeling
in loyalty, which can only end in the positive result of lowering our
rate of attrition.
[Close up of Steve. He simply stares at them]
Bruce: And of course, since you assigned us to these new positions, we
feel its only fair to make you privy to any communications which flow
through the informal work group, which could be VERY helpful towards
any long term planning you may need to do.
[Steve is still staring]
Steve: What do you guys want?
Bruce: Set it up so we can go drinking with the guys from Monolith,
we'll get you information.
[Steve cocks his head to the side]
Greg: We'll wear Docker's and Polo shirts for the entire length of the
visit.
Steve: I'll have Diane cut you a check from petty cash for expenses.
I want a full report at the end of the week.
Greg:Excellent
Bruce: We won't fail you Steve, we're SLIME now.
Steve: Bruce, this week, take one phone call, okay, that's all I'm
asking.
[Bruce stares into the camera, blankly]
Bruce: You have my word.
[They leave the office. Steve turns back to his monitor, and type's
in getmeajob.com on the URL line. Cut to Bruce and Greg]
Bruce: I can't believe I said I'd do that.
Greg: I think it's time for lunch.
Bruce: Good idea, I haven't even been to my cube yet, but good idea.
Just let me check my messages.
[Cut to clock, it is 9:30 AM]
[We fade into the view of a large door. Dave stands in front of it,
and pull's out a pair of tinted glasses and changes the ones he has
on. He knocks.]
MrShinyThing/
Dirk: Um, hold on a moment.
[Dave's brow furrow's as he strains to hear a noise. It sounds
strangely like a vacuum cleaner. Cut to interior of office, Dirk shuts
off an unseen mechanical device under his desk, a plastic arm suddenly
pops up and hits him in the head. He pushes it back down, and kicks
the unseen object under his desk. He pulls a bottle of 3M spray glue
from his desk, and applies it to his hair]
Dirk: Come on in.
[Camera POV from behind the desk. We see Dave's polarized sunglasses
turn dark black as he enters the room.]
Dave: Good morning Dirk, I'm here to get my instructions as Mr.
Garrett's liason this week.
Dirk: Excellent, good……..good!
[Dirk stands up and offers his hand to Dave, Dave looks confused, and
reaches out to shake it]
Dirk:So working your way up the ladder, eh Dan? Nothing like a little
ass kissing is there? But I think you and I know how it is, it doesn't
matter what really goes on, as long as you look good doing it, and you
know the people that make it all happen. People like YOU Dan.
[Dirk smiles, winks, makes a clicking sound, and the sign of a firing
gun]
Dave: Um…Dan has disappeared sir…a few days ago. I'm Dave.
[MrShinything, now known as DIRK when people are addressing him, if
you missed it, simply smiles]
Dirk:Excellent!! I have Donald's itinerary right here!
[Cut to Bruce. He is standing outside his cube, in a heavy Parka, wool
hat, heavy work gloves, and a scarf wrapped around his face. Greg
stands several feet down the aisle]
Greg: What the hell is going on…my tea is FROZEN.
[He turns a large mug upside down, nothing pours out. Cut to interior
of Bruce's cube. The eye's of the Evil bunny glow even brighter than
before.]
Bruce: Tony?
Dan: No, Tony is working on coding samples, and you have a call in
your queue. Get to work Bruce.
Bruce: Dan??? You're dead.
Dan: Don't argue, I'm your manager now!!!!!!
[Bruce's chair rolls back and forth against the walls of his cube
violently.]
Bruce: GREG! Call Info Tech, NOW
Greg: For what…phone reset?
Bruce: No request a cube cleansing!!!
[Suddenly, Bruce's phone rings. His caller ID lights up. Joe
Graves/San Francisco. His phone displays IMPORTANT/10 Pack Customer]
Bruce: NOT now….for God's sake, why NOW????
[Cut to Diane, sitting in her office, there is a large wall of stacked
paper around her, she sits hidden behind it, applying bright green
polish to her nails. She glances at her open bottom drawer. In it are
a pair of Cheerleading sneakers. She smiles.]
[Cut to Dave, in Dirk's office]
Dirk: Well, let's see, Donald's flight comes in at 9 so that give's you-
Dave:Dirk, it's 9:40…
[Dirk's face falls, he reaches under his desk, struggles with
something, Dave looks on warily. Dirk produces a paperbag, and a set
of car keys]
Dirk: GO NOW, take my car, it's the Purple BMW, and bring this!!!
Dave: What is it?
Dirk: Plain yogurt you moron, now GO.
[Cut to street outside the company. Zoom on storm drain. The pile of
cigarettes now stands at 3 feet high (about a meter if you're Canadian)]